Trying

Trying to control everything 
is what makes me lose control.
Trying to map out my life
is what stops me from my goal.
Trying to manage every small thing
is what makes my life unmanageable.
Trying to monitor each aspect
is what delays the imaginable.
Trying to take command of all
is what makes me less commanding.
Trying to fit it into a timeline
is what makes my victories fall small.
Breath in breath out
and let it all unravel.
Breath in breath out
and let it just happen.

A Fire Within Me

There’s a fire within me,
a growing warmth.
I cannot quite figure out
if it’s: anger. Lust. Affection?
If it’s: passion. Vigour. Zeal?
All I know is I feel
a burning urge.
An urge to do something.
An urge to make it happen.
A new found purpose
to do what I can
to be another me
even if she’s faking it.
To rise from this warmth
and leave the ashes behind.
To keep growing and thriving
and leave the doubts behind.

There’s a fire within me,
a growing warmth.
Who cares what it is?
It’s urging me to go forth.
The more I keep going,
the less I look back.
The less I look back,
the more I have going.

There’s a fire within me,
a growing warmth.
I have to let it fuel me
and embrace that warmth.
And with time I hope
to see a new light.
With time I hope,
my future is more bright.
From feeling nothing
to feeling this fire.
No matter what it means,
it’s got to take me higher.

There’s a fire within me,
a growing warmth.
I’ve learnt to embrace the new,
with the intention to improve.

In Times

In times of stress,
in times of distress,
all I can do is
continue to progress.

In times of sadness,
in times of madness,
all I can do is
continue to feign gladness.

In times of disbelief,
in times of unbelief.
all I can do is
continue to find relief.

For so long,
I have succumbed to what I see.
For so long,
I have wondered: why me?
But now I know,
that this isn’t the end.
Now I know,
that life can mend.
Patience is key,
continued work from me
is all I can do
to create something new.

In times of stress,
in times of distress,
all I can do is
continue to progress.

Sometimes I Think

Sometimes I think 
learning to live again
is impossible.
Is something strange,
a faraway dream.
A silly fantasy
that I coerce to life.
That living happens once
and anything that makes
you lose your will to live
is the final straw.
Something you can’t come
back from.
Something you can’t
overcome.
That once that spark dies
it’s the end.
The end of it.
The end of me.
That living becomes surviving
and surviving a terrible destiny.
Sometimes I think
I could force myself to
learn. To yearn for
the open air. The sun’s warm
glow. The smell of nature’s
pull. The feeling of life.
That the small ember within
me could suddenly relight,
and burn away the worry
and anger and fright.
It wouldn’t even need a spark,
just a small nudge
in the right direction.
That I could find
the strength
to do it. Just this once.
Sometimes I think
learning to live again
is impossible.
But any small glimmer of
doubt might just be
my saving grace.
Any small glimmer of
hope might just be
in its place.

The Only Way

Sometimes, the only way out 
is to go within.
The only way to ignore
is to remember what’s been.
Sometimes, the only way to live
is to exist in your imagination.
The only way to keep sane
is to fake your sense of elation.
Sometimes, the only way forward
is to live in a daydream.
The only way to find happiness
is to suppress and gleam.
Sometimes, the only way out
is not easy to find.
The only way out
is a make-believe of the mind.
Sometimes, there is no remedy
but to keep soldiering on
in hopes you’ll find serenity
before it’s over and gone.

Just Like That

And, just like that 
it was all hers.
All she had dreamt of,
all she had wished for.
It was all hers
and she couldn’t be more thankful.
She thought it was the world against her
but what she failed to see
was while the the world tried to work for her
she was bogged down in negativity.
A victim, a lost soul,
wallowing in self-loathing.
All it took was a little faith
a little self-love
a little positivity.
And, just like that
it was all hers.
All she had dreamt of,
all she had wished for.
It was always hers.
She just needed the strength to find it.

Day-by-day

As the seasons outside my window 
change day-by-day,
I watch the passage of time 
and daily I pray 
that with each fleeting moment 
and each passing night, 
I learn to be powerful 
and I learn to channel my might. 

As the people outside my window 
change day-by-day,
I watch them go about 
and daily I say 
that they each look so sure,
so happy and self-aware. 
That each one of them has a purpose,
an idea, a reason to care. 
And with each of these projections,
I know what I really long for. 
Something I myself can say 
is my reason to be sure. 

And as the weather outside my window 
barely changes day-by-day,
I watch the consistency 
and I realise that I may 
be looking for the wrong thing. 
This daily change. A daily breakthrough. 
Sometimes being consistent 
is where true happiness may lie. 
Sometimes having order 
is what I want to try. 
And slowly, as time changes,
the weather will too. 
And in the same way, 
I will improve. 
Searching for these improvements
day-by-day,
is not the most productive. 
Isn’t the best way. 
Learning that change takes time,
well that’s the real take away. 

Choosing to Change

Choosing to change 
is just the beginning. 
It’s the easiest part 
of a much bigger picture. 
Choosing to change 
is something to be proud of. 
It may just be one small step 
but it’s better than not trying. 
Choosing to change 
is the only thing you can do. 
You can’t control the ending 
but you can control the start. 
Choosing to change 
is no small feat. 
Accept what you can 
but never accept defeat. 

If You Love Something

They say if you love something 
then set it free.
Let it grow and fly and sing
and if it’s meant to be,
it’ll come back.

If you love something with a pure heart,
allow it to run its course.
Let it flourish and mature and start
to feel some remorse,
it’ll come back.

If you love something unconditionally,
then it’s never really gone.
Let it happen as it happens naturally
and your belief will go on and on,
it’ll come back.

If you love something
it’ll always come back.
Live life like you’re fine,
let your heart be full
and eventually your time will come.
If you love something
then set it free.
Your belief in your ending
is all you’ll ever need.

Ebbs and flows

It comes in ebbs and flows.
One minute I’m ok
and the next minute it goes.
It’s unpredictable and surprising.
Sometimes my mind can be calmed
while other times it’s uncompromising.
I crave the fleeting stability
that I can sometimes feign
when my emotions aren’t a liability.
And yet it continues in ebbs and flows.
Sometimes I’m finally ok
but sometimes it just goes.