Your face is a picture, a wonder to behold. Perfection. Those green eyes, gems sparkling in the light. Those soft, supple lips, giving kisses into the night. Your small, round nose, sitting perfectly in place. Your slightly chubby cheeks, just make my heart race. It is as if each feature has been deliberately painted. As if each small detail is flawlessly acquainted. Any imperfection seems to belong, like delicate brush strokes on a canvas. Any small blemish blends in, each new detail is a plus. Nothing comes close to the beauty before me. It's as if your creator retired after making his one masterpiece. I could look at you all day and yearn to look even more. I would just never grow tired of admiring you for hours on end. I wish you could stay in my grasp and I could always keep a hold of you. Yet you escape through my clasp like sand running through my fingers. You cannot be contained or owned or bought. You are not a painting to be obtained no matter how perfect the craft. You are not mine to set free not mine to hold on to. You are not mine you see not mine to cling on to. Just a distant fantasy, an infatuation that will pass.
You Have the Power
You have the power
to undo me.
Your allure and passion
is a sight to see.
Your touch, so warm,
it ignites something within.
Your embrace, so tight,
I don’t know where to begin.
Any sane thoughts
are a thing of the past.
Any fears and doubts,
they really didn’t last.
No one but you
could make me like this.
No one else could ever
give me this bliss.
You have the power
to undo me.
Your mind made up,
and without me you’d be.
Your cold, emotionless goodbye
unravelled me in an instant.
Your swift exit from my life,
the way you were so distant.
Any attempt to think straight
continues to be a chore.
Any hope for a joint future
was really no more.
No one else had a hold over
my emotions like so.
No one except you,
even when you let me go.
You still have the power
to undo me.
In Every
In every whisper,
I hear your voice.
In each way,
you’re still my choice.
In every room,
I seek your eye.
In all my memories,
together we tie.
In every text,
I search for your name.
In all my wishes,
the desperation’s the same.
And in every smile,
I try to move on.
In my world,
all love is gone.
What I seek
is not destined for me.
What I crave
is to finally be free.
What I want
is not in my fate.
What I wish
is for it not to be too late.
And what I hope
is that I learn to cope.
What is meant for me
will be in my possession.
And what was sent to me
is just another lesson.
It’s Easier
It’s easier to stay asleep
because at least then
I don’t constantly weep.
It’s easier to keep my eyes closed
because at least then
questions about you aren’t posed.
It’s easier to stay in a dream
because at least then
we’re still an unstoppable team.
It’s easier to keep my mind turned off
because at least then
being alive isn’t so rough.
It’s easier to stay asleep
so thoughts of you don’t creep
and remind me of what was.
It’s easier to keep my eyes closed
so thoughts of you are disposed
along with my cruel memories.
It’s easier to stay in a dream
where at least it can all seem
like nothing has gone wrong.
It’s easier to keep my mind turned off
where at least it isn’t as tough
as remembering all that could have been.
It would be easier to just stay asleep
and never wake up again
because with you nothing is easy
and it will never get easier.
Am I…?
Am I a terrible person
if I hope you’re hurting?
Hurting as much as me.
Am I a vengeful person
if I wish you’re unhappy?
Unhappy like me.
Am I an awful person
if I pray you miss me?
Miss me like I miss you.
Am I stuck in the past
because I still think of you?
Think of you all the time.
Am I clinging onto false hope
because I still believe in us?
Believe we can still make it.
Am I in need of waking up
because I can’t let go?
Let go of my love.
Am I ever going to move on
from what once was?
Even if what once was was perfect.
Am I ever going to heal
from these emotional scars?
Even though they should have faded.
Am I ever going to be whole
from this broken heart?
Even though heartbreak shouldn’t last.
Am I a terrible person
if I still hope you’re hurting?
Hurting as much as me.
Am I a vengeful person
if I still hope you’re unhappy?
Unhappy like me.
Am I an awful person
if I still pray you miss me?
Miss me like I miss you.
Lost
For so long
I have been lost.
Lost in my own thoughts,
my own dreams.
My own nightmares.
Like a trance,
I carry on. Reminding myself
to keep breathing.
Blink so you look alive.
Smile, that was supposed
to be amusing.
And yet, I am still
lost. I can’t wake up.
Around me, they don’t
even notice I’m not me.
I look the same.
I’ve trained myself to
try and act the same.
They don’t notice the
little differences.
My smile doesn’t reach
my eyes. My laugh,
if you listen hard enough,
sounds strained. My face,
made up more than ever
to hide the dark circles.
The glitter eyeshadow
and big eyelashes
to hide from their pinkish glow.
I’m doing a good job.
How long can I keep this up?
Will they ever realise?
Do I want them to realise?
Is that the only way to cry out?
Cry for help? Help I need?
For so long
I have been lost.
Perhaps I’m too far gone
to find my way back.
For so long
I have been lost.
The person who shone
continues to lack
the happiness and life
and warmth that was once rife.
For so long
I have been lost.
I am yet to see the end
of the road.
Not yet on the mend.
Not yet ready to drop the load.
Little Bird
They would tell me to
set that little bird
free.
To trust I had helped her,
nourished her enough to just
be.
That I had done all I could
and I couldn’t protect her
forever.
That she wasn’t meant to be
caged and we couldn’t always be
together.
And for the longest time, I was
too afraid to set her
loose.
If I couldn’t hold on and keep
her safe, what even was my
use?
It was only then that I began
to realise,
there was more to me than this,
more that meets the eyes.
I thought holding on was helping
me find my way,
but it was only weighing me down,
and causing me delay.
It wasn’t until I decided
that today I would let go,
did I finally feel ready,
to relinquish my control.
This was not just a little bird,
but a heavy burden I had taken on.
She was ready for her own flight,
and I had to be too.
If I set her free, she would
find me if she needed.
Until then I had to keep going,
and making my own way.
I know one day we’ll cross paths
again and I need to show her I tried.
Tried to keep going alone,
tried to keep alive.
I stood by my window and finally
let her go.
I didn’t close it behind me because
I needed her to know
that I was going to go my way
and she would do the same,
but that didn’t mean it was the end,
she could always come back and stay.
My Soulmate
You were my soulmate, but now you’re just a stranger. Each day I live without you, feels longer and longer. I hope what they say is true, and real love conquers everything. I have moved on and I’ll be ok, but a part of me will always cling. Moving on is not just a new partner, or a new life without care for you. It’s about being able to handle anything, with you and without you too. You were my soulmate, but now we don’t even speak. You have me blocked almost everywhere, and insisted that contact will make us weak. If only you look in you heart and see, that this separation can be but temporary. Sometimes it’s ok to admit mistakes, and sticking to them is not necessary. I know that we both need to grow apart, to truly be at one with ourselves. And once you see what we can still be, into a new and improved life we can delve. You were my soulmate, and now all my interactions with you remain one sided and unanswered. All that we could be, a future shrouded in mystery. All that we ever were, memories clouded in misery. And as it gets more difficult I remember to believe in myself. I will be ok if we are never one again, even if it’s not what I wish for. I will be ok if your happiness is elsewhere, even if the pain still feels raw. You weren’t just my soulmate, you still are, and I will continue to love you, even if it must be from afar.
The grand scheme
In the grand scheme of things,
this is only a small setback.
A year is insignificant
and yet it feels like the end.
In the grand scheme of things,
today is only a small part of
forever. It barely makes a dent
and yet it feels like I’ll never recover.
In the grand scheme of things,
I will forget these feelings
of hopelessness and despair
and yet it feels like I’m trapped in this moment.
In the grand scheme of things,
this is but one of many setbacks.
It happens to us all
and yet I feel like the only one.
I wonder if I’ll ever make it to
the better side. The part of life
that the grand scheme leads up to.
Day-by-day it feels as if this is it.
That there is no magical time
where things are better.
As if this is my life and I should
learn to accept it.
In the grand scheme of things,
this is but a chapter,
a small snapshot of life
and yet I’m afraid it’ll be forever.
Find Me
When I found you,
I found myself.
You opened doors and
showed me the world.
Your love made me happy
and sustained me daily.
Without you I was existing
and with you I was finally
living. Living as I should.
And as I fell deeper,
deeper and more in love,
I realised that you were my
forever. Until the end, together.
I couldn’t even fathom a day
without you in my life.
I didn’t have to though,
you said our love would stand.
Stand the test of time-
The test of anything.
As long as it was you and I,
we knew we could make it.
I stopped fearing that these
were just empty promises.
I started to let myself feel,
feel the full extent of love.
I let the happiness take over
and embrace me in warmth.
I was thankful,
thankful for us.
When I lost you,
I lost myself.
The abrupt ending,
no warning. Nothing but
sorrow and misery. No reason,
just an unsolved mystery.
All we had built came
tumbling down. Detonated.
Obliterated.
Fragments so small they
could never be fixed.
Heartbreak so raw I
could not see the light.
Lost. Drowning. Hoping.
Screaming into the void.
On the outside I’m the same,
but on the inside I’ve changed.
Numb. Unfeeling. Curled into
the foetal position.
I don’t recognise her.
No one does.
I’ll keep existing,
but living?
Out of the question.
I can never find myself.
